LARP, birthday, Master, and so much more!

This slave had a great time at the Oregon LARP with my Master. This slave learned much more about its character and was given several new opportunities. Plus, my Master spoiled this slave by graciously letting it use some of the gobbies from the spell packets we donated to get a formal scroll used on it. ^w^

After that, we couldn't hang out very much because this slave's parents wanted to hang out with it for its birthday, as they would be gone for the actual day. It was nice to go to a mexican restaurant with them and eat good food, as well as to come back to the house and open a few presents. ^w^ Then on this slave's actual birthday, my Master "raped" this slave as if it was little red riding hood and he was the big bad wolf. It was so intense! He also made this slave a new leather flogger that he used on it, which this slave really really enjoyed.

This slave loves my Master so much and is very grateful for all he has given it. It looks forward to seeing him tomorrow as it already misses him so much!

So happy to be with my Master ^w^

This past weekend (from thursday to monday) this slave stayed with my Master. Thursday we had a great time celebrating our 6 month anniversary. This slave felt so cherished by my Master. ^w^

This weekend this slave had trouble working hard to please my Master by completing a bunch of spell packets for the LARP. This slave plans on working harder this next weekend and hopes to finish another 500-600 this weekend.

Also, this slave experienced some great play with my Master this past weekend. ^w^ It really enjoyed the markings he left on it on our anniversary and the hypnosis he has done to help this slave. ^w^

Two full weeks with Master, LARP, family time, then another week with Master

This slave recently got to spend a lot of time with my Master. ^w^ About a month ago this slave was able to spend two full weeks with my Master while its family was away visiting family and friends in Michigan. It was intense but so much fun. It was the most time that this slave has spent with my Master. We spent a lot of the time preparing for the LARP we were going to at the end of the two weeks. This slave was so excited and my Master definitely made sure that we had fun during those two weeks. ^w^

When we went to the LARP this slave had a lot of fun as well. It is fun to play a character that is so connected to my Master just like this slave is out of game. We managed to get lots of loot and lots of good experiences out of the LARP. ^w^

After the LARP, we arrived back at my Master's house and this slave had to get ready for a trip to see its great grandmother (Nana) on her 95th birthday. After staying up all night (with a couple hours nap) this slave caught a flight to California and met up with its family for the visit, which was so much fun. This slave got to see San Fransisco again and spent a lot of time talking to Nana about how its life is going. She seems to be very supportive of this slave's relationship with my Master. ^w^

After coming back with its family from the trip to its Nana's house, this slave spent one night at its parents house then the next day left to see my Master. This slave was so happy to spend so much time with him. It was able to finish 700 spell packets in a the week, with our goal being 2,000 non-orange/non-blue and 1,000 blue arrow packets. This slave is also happy to say that it feels it grew a lot closer over this past week with my Master. It was really great how this slave was given a great last day of summer before classes start from my Master. ^w^

This slave is very glad to be owned and collared to such a kind a benevolent Master. ^w^

Feeling closer to my Master

This slave had a great time with my Master the past few days. It has been feeling very emotional lately and is thankful to have such a kind and benevolent Master. This slave is also getting really excited for the LARP coming up on labor day weekend. ^w^ It hopes that it can finish up enough packets to please my Master before the LARP. Speaking of the LARP, this slave is very thankful that my Master has purchased for it many items for costuming. ^w^ It hopes that it pleases him as much as it is pleased to be his slave. ^w^

Another great weekend with my Master ^w^

This slave had another great weekend with my Master. This slave always feel so much better when it is around him. This slave really enjoyed seeing Captain America with my Master this weekend and how he took this slave to Goodwill to find a couple dresses for its Sarr character to wear at the LARP. ^w^ It has been so much fun talking about the upcoming LARP with my Master. This slave is very much excited to go and will be working very hard this next weekend on making spell packets so we can get good stuff for our characters. This slave feels so lucky to have such a wonderful Master. It already misses him so much though it knows it will see him in a couple days.

Hypnosis and tit growth and weight loss

This slave has been hypnotized by my Master to experience its tits grow and to have a faster metabolism. So far all is well. This slave is already up a cup size and in need of a new bra. ^w^ As for weight loss, this slave hopes it will be down to 130 lbs. in the next couple weeks. This slave really likes how close it feels to my Master thanks to the hypnosis. He is a wonderful Master and this slave is so happy to be his property. ^w^

Excited for this weekend with my Master

This slave is very excited to be able to spend this weekend with my Master. We are going to this slave's first larp. ^w^ This slave is really looking forward to the experience of being an NPC. ^W^

Besides that he is trying to forms of play through hypnosis with this slave. It is very interesting and this slave feels like it is only becoming a better slave through hypnosis. ^w^ An example is how he now just has to touch this slave with his right hand and say "shock" for this slave to feel like it is getting shocked with electricity.

Oh and another great thing is that this slave is getting along great with one of my Master's best friends. ^w^ She and I have hung out a few times already this week and she said she thinks that this slave is a great match for my Master. ^w^

This weekend with my Master ^w^

This slave really enjoyed this weekend with my Master. It was mostly just relaxing around the house, some play time, and marathoning Daria from the beginning of the series. ^w^

First, this slave spent last thursday going to the doctor to get medicated for its anxiety, then a job interview that is prays to Master that it will get, to go to class (where it got ahead of class in the first week), and then to go see my Master.

The rest of our time was spent mostly relaxing. Though this slave did get punished for two mistakes it made. This slave is happy to have such a merciful Master though.

There was a lot of fun had with Master using this special voice of his that brings out this slave's kitty-ness. Mew! ^w^

This slave was sad to leave my Master today, knowing it has to go to therapy with its mother tomorrow. It is happy to be medicated for the anxiety and hopes that my Master noticed that the medication was helpful. ^w^ This slave also really hopes it gets the job so it can move in with my Master soon!

Missing my Master and anxiety.

This slave misses my Master so much today. It really is trying its best to remain in control of its anxiety as this slave has been dealing with worry and anxiousness to talk to my Master soon.

This slave is happy it was diagnosed with anxiety and knows more about it though because it knows that the feelings it has now are anxiety-related. It is also really looking forward to seeing my Master tomorrow, which is only adding to the anxiousness and excitement. So this slave is going to continue thinking happy thoughts and hopes it hears from my Master soon.

Concert and looking forward to seeing Master for this weekend. ^w^

This slave went to see Rush in concert last night with my Master. It was so much fun and this slave feels closer to my Master now afterwards. ^w^

This slave also is planning on spending time with my Master this weekend. It is very much excited to spend fourth of July weekend with my Master and then spend his birthday with him. ^w^ (Thankfully this slave will be able to just go to school and therapy and then spend the rest of its time with my Master on his birthday.)

Oh and another good thing is that it has a job interview coming up on Wednesday, which hopefully will go well. ^w^ This slave is still waiting to hear back from Wet Seal though and it is really hoping it gets that job. *crosses fingers and prays to Master*

A wonderful day with my Master ^w^

This slave had a wonderful time with my Master today. He used both his newly made floggers on this slave and there was lots of cuddling and kissing. Right now this slave just wishes it were still with him, instead of being so far away. It feels like it might be suffering a bit of sub drop because of the effect of its hormones and the good feeling of being used by my Master today. This slave is already anxiously waiting to hear from him again as it misses him so much already. Your slave loves you so much Master!

Spending time with my Master

This slave spent the past few days with my Master. It wishes it could have spent more time with my Master, but, like always, this slave's family seems to get in the way. >.< It can't wait till it gets a job because then it will be able to move in with my Master. ^w^

This slave really does dislike the time it spends away from my Master. It leaves this slave feeling like something is missing. It does its best to keep moving forward in looking for work, to be happy and functioning at a great level for my Master, even when we are apart. It still hurts sometimes though, like right now.

This slave really wishes its family would be more supportive of this slave and its relationship with my Master. Its not like they don't like my Master, but that they think he is distracting for this slave, while it disagrees. Hopefully after this week, they will not feel that way.

This slave is really looking forward to seeing my Master again and going to the concert on thursday night with him. ^w^ It will keep thinking of that to remain positive while feeling like something is missing while we are apart.

Spending time with my Master and job hunting continues

This slave has been spending a lot of time with my Master. Recently he told this slave he has a bit of an interest in Daddy Dom/little girl, so we had our own "father's day" where this slave got him a couple presents, a poem and a cutout of the TARDIS. Besides that, we have been talking a lot and this slave is happy with how things are progressing in our relationship. It knows it still is working through insecurities and paranoia from its past and it hopes that in time it will be able to move through it, as this slave intends to spend a long time with my Master. ^w^

As for the job hunting, this slave has had a follow up interview with the local casino and is waiting to hear back about continuing the process. It also applied to merry maids, but that fell through, they went in another direction.So far today it has applied to fifteen jobs. It really hopes to hear back from them soon, as it is really hoping to get a job soon, so this slave can move in with my Master.

Missing my Master

This slave has been missing my Master a lot lately. It has been feeling sad because its family has been pulling it away from my Master. >.< And it is not as though this slave doesn't like its family, but that it really enjoys being able to spend time with my Master and the time we spend apart has been lengthened over the past week or two because of this slave's visiting family plus my Master's finals in school. It really cannot wait until summer and when this slave sees my Master on friday. This slave feels so blessed to have such a wonderful and caring Master, that it is hard for it to spend time away from him. This slave loves you so much Master!

Cane-A-Slut Day ^w^

This slave's cane a slut day went really well. ^w^ It has several marks on it, some of which it can see, some of which it can't as they are behind it. lol

This slave was also very happy to get to cuddle and watch Doctor Who with my Master. ^w^

Overall, today went very well this slave feels. It loves my Master so very much and feels so lucky to be owned by him. ^w^

Weight loss, job interview, and missing Master

To start, this morning this slave weighed itself and it has finally reached 140 lbs., which means that it has ten more pounds to lose till it reaches its first goal weight.

Also, it got a call about a job interview for a receptionist position which it will be going to tomorrow. ^w^ It really hopes it gets the job!

Today it really started missing my Master. It feels like the longest time we have spent apart and the time is really causing anxiousness in this slave. This slave is very much looking forward to Monday when it can see my Master and wishes the day would arrive sooner than it feels like it will. This slave yearns to be at my Master's feet, where it belongs.

Good day today ^w^

This slave is so very happy with how today went.

First, it got to spend all memorial day weekend with my Master. ^w^ He spoiled this slave so much, including giving it its own computer to use which was one he already had and said he would give to this slave. It is very thankful to have such a wonderful Master. ^w^

Then, today it did really well on its speech for its public speaking class. Which was after a very good therapy session.

It also remembered to get its ADD medication monthly refill and to get a new bus pass for June. ^w^

Overall, this slave is very happy with how things have gone. ^w^

Job interview and wonderful night with my Master

On thursday, yesterday, this slave had a job interview, that turned into two interviews, at the local casino. The first interview (the surprise one) went very well, the second one (the planned one) not so much. They were for different positions though, so this slave hopes it gets a job there. ^w^

Then, after the interview it got to stay over night with my Master. ^w^ It had so much fun cuddling with him, watching shows, and getting to fall asleep in his arms. This slave feels so cherished by my Master and is looking forward to next weekend, when its parents will be gone and it will be able to spend a couple days with my Master. ^w^ This weekend may be long as he will be working on his homework so we can have next weekend together, but this slave knows it will be worth it. ^w^

Random updates

This slave is still waiting to hear back from both places where it applied and where it had an interview and a tour. It feels the interview with Petsmart went really well and really does hope to hear back from them soon!

On another note, this slave is so very happy to be with my Master. My Master will hopefully be meeting this slave's parents at some point soon, just waiting for parents to set a time that works for them. It makes this slave very happy to know that because my Master plans on meeting its parents, that its parents are more accepting of it spending more time with my Master. ^w^

Today this slave got a name. ^w^

Today, this slave was officially named Thrall by my Master. ^w^ It is very happy with the name, especially when it hears my Master growl it in this slave's ear. *blush*

Feeling good tonight ^w^

This slave will be going to bed happy tonight, though not as happy as if it were in my Master's bed. It is happy that it was able to spend so much time today talking with my Master. It is also happy that Monday is growing closer. It is happy that it will be watching The King's Speech (a movie that this slave thinks looks awesome) tomorrow with its family, while having ham for Easter dinner (which it is celebrating that holiday, despite the fact it is no longer Christian). It is also looking forward to cuddling with my Master, watching Doctor Who, and eating half off Easter candy on Monday. ^w^ It is very much excited that this weekend is almost over and how it has a job interview with Petsmart on Tuesday. ^w^ It is overall in a very happy mood as it feels it has achieved a lot so far today.

Another update

This slave is very happy it made a lot of money from it's work previously and is very excited to see my Master on monday. ^w^ Doctor Who and half price Easter candy will be a fun way to spend the day. ^w^ It also hopes it gets the job it gets the tour for on tuesday.


On another note, what in the world is it with people who don't know a whole situation feeling they have every right to say they know what a person is going through? This slave knows it can assume it is feeling the same way as another or having been through a similar experience, but it is never the same. Understanding emotions (empathy) is far more understandable than making assumptions. It knows it can understand another person's emotions, but beyond that it can be making assumptions based on personal experience regarding how another person is feeling. This slave is realizing this as it is cutting off contact with some older people in the community. It feels as if those who are older are possibly more biased against it because of its age and because they think they know all about the situation, when in reality, they know nothing. (This is referring to a third person, besides this slave's former mentor and the mentor's Daddy who has decided to make herself a part of this mess, which is really unnecessary, and reeks of high school-like behavior. Did it mention it hates gossip?) Yes, this is the affect the gossip is having. It wishes people would just stop telling it to "grow up" when clearly they haven't themselves. (Again, how is continuing gossip anything but childish?)

Needless to say, this slave will be thinking of my Master as it sleeps tonight as it seems he is its only safe haven. The local community has practically ousted it (at least some have) based on gossip and the fact that it is 22 years old implies it is immature. Yeah.... It is going to its happy place now as it no longer wishes to associate with people who are so full of themselves they can't accept that there are three sides to every story, and instead focus on just one, refuse to listen to the second, and don't even go looking for the truth. This slave pities those people, but is tired of being dragged down by them.

Picked up final paycheck and got a job offer in one day ^w^

This slave picked up its paycheck from its former employer today and made a fair amount in that paycheck. ^w^

It is also happy to say it got a job offer from a place in Ferndale and was invited to get a tour (leading up to setting up an interview it is sure) for Tuesday.

On the downside (but kinda upside), it found out that its former mentor is still gossiping about it online. It used a sock account to defend itself, as the former mentor blocked it, and apparently defending itself made it a bad guy. Thankfully it has an understanding Master who saw that it was only defending itself. ^w^ (No one else seems to, but that just makes the local community look bad if they honestly believe that shit in this slave's opinion.) No one wins when there is gossip, just a bunch of people getting hurt. If only this slave's former mentor (who is 53 years old) and her Daddy Dominant (who is 57 years old) would actually listen to that fact instead of ignore it, things would be better. But there's no use crying over what can't be fixed. It feels the loss was theirs for not listening and for continuing to gossip. This slave is very happy with my Master and would love it if those assuming otherwise would at least be honest rather than go behind its back.

feeling better

This slave is feeling loads better after talking to my Master last night. It feels very lucky to have such an understanding and caring Master. ^w^

Besides that, family issues still exist. This slave is considering family therapy and will talk to its therapist about that on tuesday.

The rest of the evening hasn't gone so well....

This slave just found out that its parents don't want it hanging out with my Master till Monday. So it can prove to them again that it is looking for a job after losing the other one, and because, to them, it seemed like this slave was having too much fun with my Master and not focusing on fixing the rest of its life. >.< (This slave also found out that some people that it lived with in Oregon the winter of 2009 sent its family a letter saying how this slave talked badly about its family to them. It didn't find this out till tonight.) Though, apparently, this slave's dad says it needs to be in the kitchen more to learn how to cook if it chooses to somehow be "lucky" and find a man willing to take care of it and have it be a housewife as he thinks this slave is so adversed to housework. (It's not that it doesn't like housework--it would much rather do housework than work in a job sometimes. Though it didn't do housework today for my Master, it does feel terrible about that, but was punished by my Master, forgiven, and this slave will not do that again.)

This slave also was bad and texted my Master though he said not to when it was distressed and it feels terrible about that. It really hopes to hear from my Master soon. This slave is still feeling quite depressed now that its family is imposing on it again and now it feels like it failed my Master again because of being depressed. This slave really hopes to hear from my Master soon. It really would like to feel his presence somehow as it won't be able to see him at all this weekend and won't be able to see him till Monday. >.<

First night with my Master ^w^

Last night this slave spent its first night with my Master. ^w^ It was very good for both of us, this slave thinks. It likes to think that there was a lot of fun to be had in that. It only hopes it'll be able to stay the night again this weekend so that this slave can watch Doctor Who with my Master. ^w^ The one thing it remembers most about last night is that this slave was bound by my Master and wore a hood for the first time. It also remembers how much it tossed and turned getting used to my Master's bed last night lol (This slave must remember not to hog all the blankets in its sleep.) This morning went well too, this slave thinks. Although it didn't clean like its Master had asked (which was rather difficult, and it hopes my Master understands about the flashback it had while it started cleaning) so it was punished for disobeying, and this slave knows that. Overall though, this slave feels everything went really well for the first time it stayed the night with my Master. ^w^

Voice training and lost job

This slave is now to speak like this as my Master (Dark Fox) has begun voice training for it. This slave is very happy with the voice training and is always looking for ways to practice more so it can further please my Master.

On another note, this slave unfortunately lost its job as a waitress yesterday. Thankfully my Master and therapist have been very understanding of the situation. This slave's family on the other hand is sending it mixed signals. This slave is looking forward to staying over night for the first time with my Master and it feels so safe and relaxed with my Master. ^w^ The plan for tonight is for this slave to study for tests tomorrow and my Master is very understanding about that. This slave doesn't know what else my Master has planned for tonight but is happy either way to be able to spend time in the relaxing environment that is created for this slave when it is around my Master. ^w^

Have you been through some form of orgasm training?

My Master has been doing orgasm training with me for weeks now. I am not allowed to cum without his permission, whether we are together in person or not. He also has a command phrase that only he is allowed to use in order to allow me to cum. He has also used erotic hypnosis with me alongside this orgasm training. ^w^ I am very happy with how things are going with my orgasm training.

Yay!

I am officially Dark Fox's owned, collared, and in training slave. ^w^ *does happy dance* I am so happy with how today went. I am actually typing this up in my class at the Community College lol

Begging for Dark Fox's collar tomorrow. ^w^

Tomorrow I will be begging to wear Dark Fox's collar. It was supposed to be today, but my family pretty much tried getting in the way of my seeing him. It does give me more time to think on what I am going to say in my begging for his collar. I know I really do long to be his. ^w^ I am very comfortable with him. This is something I am very excited for. ^W^

^w^

Today is only the second day I have spent away from Dark Fox. I am already looking forward to seeing him again tomorrow. ^w^ I am doing my best to prepare for Sunday as well, as that is the day I am to beg for his collar. ^w^ I don't really have much to say, but I am very excited. So excited in fact that I am out of words lol

Very good day today. ^w^

Today was a really great day I spent with Dark Fox again. We went shopping for pervertables (and to pick up my ADD meds) then went back to his house, like usual.

For the first time, ever, I was able to squirt without ever getting any physical stimulation, just by his voice and by his command.I came about 50+ times today all at his command with no physical stimulation.

I did experience a minor panic attack as well, but he talked me through that and I am very thankful for that. ^w^

And the one thing that makes me happiest is that he plans on offering me his collar. I am very excited and will do as he says in order to achieve that. I will be working on figuring out how I will beg for his collar and I will be looking at designs as well to give him an idea of what I like in chainmail designs. I am very excited and happy right now. I know I will have to do my mantra every night and every morning to prepare myself for this as he has asked me to do so. ^w^ (Though I'm sure it is something that will continue after he gives me his collar.)

Blacking out and hypnosis

Today my date with Dark Fox was interesting. While he was choking me out a bit (as asphyxia is a fetish of mine) and for the first time ever I blacked out. He said I was convulsing some, and based on how wet I was when I came to, I must have orgasmed. (Which isn't surprising, but still its showing the affect he has on me--though I will be eating3 meals like I should so as to not have the blacking out be possibly due to not eating enough again. If I want to be a good pet, I have to be healthy.)

What happened next really is a bit fuzzy to me. I woke up on the floor with his arms around me holding me steady. I know I was stressed out and worried as I had just blacked out. (I was worried I had scared him because I'd blacked out.) At this point, he started to hypnotize me to calm to me down partially and I'm sure partially to get more inside my head, though I really don't mind.

The hypnosis was really interesting. I remember him petting my head and commanding different things from me when I was awake again. I know that I felt so safe in his arms during that time. I really hope things continue to go this well as my infatuation with him is growing. I really want to be his slave as he's seeing a side of me that very few get to and is actually getting inside my head moreso than anyone else ever has.

Three amazing dates so far with a local Dominant. ^w^

Well, the local Dominant from my previous post fell through. But I have gone on three consecutive dates with another local Dominant (we'll call him Dark Fox) and so far things have been amazing. ^w^ I plan on seeing him again today. I am quite infatuated with him. *blush* Also, I have some great bruises from a caning on my ass, not to mention the scratches he's left on my back. ^w^ I feel so comfortable with him. Yesterday we just hung out at his house, played, and watched NCIS. All the while I was naked wearing nothing but some rope around my breasts and a choke chain and a leash.  I have honestly never been that comfortable with anyone. *blush*

First successful date with a Dominant

I went on a date with a Dominant today. He is local and it went very well. ^w^ I hope I'll be able to see him soon. He's very hot and has an affect on me. I'm comfortable with him. I really hope this goes well.

Panic Attack

I'm really having trouble breathing right now and I feel like I'm having the first panic attack I can remember.

In the kink with a history of abuse group on Fet, some girl went out of her way to try and tell others their opinions and "arguments" about why trigger warning labels shouldn't be required on every possible post where a trigger could occur were invalid. I said my peace and got caught up in the argument, then left the thread. I come back a day later only to find that the girl who was telling others their opinions and arguments were invalid had made a personal attack on my character. Poor girl doesn't know how to freaking debate if she stooped to an ad hominem attack. Fuck that shit. Ok. Now I'm dizzy. >.< I really cannot believe that such bullying was allowed in a group like that. We all have differing opinions and experience. I know that I was not very good at explaining myself, but for fuck's sake, she didn't need to put me down to do it. It takes me back to my emotional abuse from my first Dominant as well as the treatment I have received more than once by dumb cunts like herself both online an in real life. I don't have to agree with you in order for you to accept my opinion as valid. Then stooping to a personal attack, just makes an ass out of you. Calling me a hypocrite for poor word choice in my disagreement with another comment you made and comparing it to what I am going through right now because of your stupid fucking assumption about my character based on that poorly worded post, is just asinine. Grow the fuck up! Ugh... I know this post makes no sense. I'm still dizzy and I can't breathe. I am going to call a friend of mine soon. I know I need to. Goodnight.

What I learned today.

• Never meet with someone that you have only talked to for a few days.
• Be honest with ALL your mentors about such a meeting before the fact and not after, even if it is on a whim--which shouldn't be the case in the future anyway.
• Continue to not give out enough information about your private life until you are fully aware you can trust them.
• Don't meet up with someone who you don't trust enough to give information about your private life.
• That my cut-off age for dating an Dominant is 40, though I may be able to stretch it to 45 only for a person that I have known enough and trust enough and where compatibility is there.
• That I still have a long way to go before I will be dating another Dominant because I do need to work on myself still.
• That I have very good friends who are honest with me and looking out for my well-being.
• That when my gut tells me something is wrong, I should listen to it.

A work in progress

Well, I think a lot has happened since I last posted. After Felix and I split last tuesday, I ended up talking to an older Dominant, we'll just call him S. He was interested in me at first, but after a few days we both became aware that this is not a good time in my life for me to be contemplating becoming a Dominant's 24/7 submissive as I'd like. (Though we also had compatibility issues.) I am remaining friends with S as he seems a very decent man who I could learn a lot from and I have agreed to have him be one of my mentors.

I know I'm not in a good place in my life. Two relationships fall apart one right after the other (though one only lasted a couple weeks at most). I'm finally feeling single again and wondering what there is out there that I can learn about myself. I did agree with be pretty much long distance friends with benefits with my friend A from Michigan, who is a switch. We both have an understanding of each other and I normally wouldn't do this, but I'm not looking for anything and he's actually not really my type when I look for a Dominant. So it's all fun to get my kinky sex itch scratched while I figure myself out. I can still go to school and look for work, there is no pressure to be in a relationship right now and I am enjoying it. It's been a while and I know I need this. Hell, my therapist told me I need to not be in a relationship right now because I'm not in a healthy enough place. I know I'd be a burden, so I'm working on myself and trying to enjoy my time alone. (A long distance fwb just makes masturbation more fun lol)

BDSM checklist, this time more detailed

Key

---

No Answer - Either you choose not to answer for whatever reason, or it\'s not applicable - such as breast bondage for males.
Curious - You\'ve not tried it and so have no idea how you\'d feel, but you are curious.
Essential - This is something that\'s so essential to you that you can\'t see yourself enjoying a relationship without it.
Love - You love doing whatever it is.
Like - You like doing whatever it is.
Don\'t Mind - You don\'t mind either way, but will do it for someone else.
Dislike - You dislike doing it but will do so if it means a lot to someone else.
Hate - You hate doing it but will do so if it means a lot to someone else.
Soft Limit - While it is not something you are capable of at the moment, you can see how that might one day change.
Hard Limit - There is no way you can ever see this being something you could do without damaging who you are.
Done To Self / Receiving

---

How you feel about having the act done to you or with you as the primary participant, perhaps at someone else\'s command.
Alternatively, read this as how you feel about being on the receiving end of the act.
For example, Done To Self for \"Fisting - Anal\" means that it is your anus that the fist enters.
For Cunnilingus, it would be you being licked (recieving).
Done To Others / Giving

---

How you feel about your play partner having the act done to them, perhaps at your command.
Alternatively, read this as how you feel about doing this act to someone else.
To take the same example, Done To Others for \"Fisting - Anal\" means that it is your play partner\'s anus that the fist enters,
be it your fist or someone else\'s.
For Cunnilingus, it would be you doing the licking (giving).
Tried

---

Have you tried the activity (either done to yourself or done it to someone else)?
Rating

---

How do you feel about the activity (either doing it to yourself or to others)?
Anal Play
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
(Others) Tried: Yes
(Others) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Beating - Canes
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Dislike (2)
Beating - Crops
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Beating - Floggers
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating - Hairbrushes
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Beating - Hard
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Beating - Paddles
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Beating - Soft
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Beating - Spanking
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Beating - Straps
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating - Whips
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating Location - Back
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating Location - Bottom
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Beating Location - Chest
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Like (4)
Beating Location - Feet
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating Location - Genitals
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating Location - Legs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bestiality
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Biting
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Blindfolds
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Body Modification - Branding
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Body Modification - Piercing, Permanent
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Body Modification - Piercing, Play
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Body Modification - Saline Injection
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Body Modification - Scarification
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Body Modification - Tattooing
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage - Breast
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Bondage - Cuffs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage - Genital
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Heavy
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Bondage - Intricate
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Light
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage - Locks
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Bondage - Prolonged
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Sleeves, Arm
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Sleeves, Leg
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Spreader Bars
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Stocks
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Straight Jackets
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Suspension
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Suspension, Inverted
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Whole Body
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage Material - Chain
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage Material - Leather
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage Material - Rope
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage Material - Saran Wrap
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage Material - Scarves
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage Material - Tape
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Breath Play
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Clothespins
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Chosen For
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Corsets
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Clothing - Full Head Hoods
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Harnesses
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - High Heels
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Lingerie
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Clothing - Masks
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Uniforms (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Uniforms, Military
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Uniforms, School
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Clothing Material - Leather
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Clothing Material - PVC
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing Material - Rubber
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing Material - Sheer
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Collars - Private
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Collars - Public
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Crawling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Cutting
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Like (4)
Discipline
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Drinking - Blood
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Drinking - Semen
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Drinking - Urine
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Enemas
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Examination - Physical
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Exhibitionism - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Exhibitionism - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Face Slapping
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Fisting - Anal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Fisting - Vaginal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Food - Chosen For
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Food - From Body
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Food - From Bowl
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Food - From Hand
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags - Ball
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags - Bit
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags - Ring
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags - Tape
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Given Away (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Given Away - Auctions
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Given Away - Permanent
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Hand Jobs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Heterosexuality - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Homosexuality - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Homosexuality - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Humiliation - Private
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Humiliation - Public
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Humiliation - Verbal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Including Others
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Kneeling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Leashes
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Lecturing
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Licking
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Massage
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Like (4)
Masturbation - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Masturbation - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Nipple Clamps
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Nipple Play
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Nipple Weights
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Nudity - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Nudity - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Dislike (2)
Orgasm - On Command
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Orgasm Control
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Orgasm Denial
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Pain (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Like (4)
Pain - Heavy
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Pain - Light
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Phone Sex
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Rape - Fantasy
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Rape - Fantasy, Gang
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Recorded Scenes - Photographs, Private
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Recorded Scenes - Photographs, Shared
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Recorded Scenes - Video, Private
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Recorded Scenes - Video, Shared
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Roleplay (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Roleplay - Age
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Roleplay - Education
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hate (1)
Roleplay - Interrogation
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Roleplay - Kidnapping
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Roleplay - Medical
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Roleplay - Pig
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Roleplay - Pony
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Roleplay - Prison
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Roleplay - Puppy
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Roleplay - Religious
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Roleplay - Whore
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sensation Play (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Deprivation
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Fire
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sensation Play - Hair Pulling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Hot Wax
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Ice
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Needle
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sensation Play - Scratching
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Suction
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sensation Play - Teasing
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Serving (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Serving - Art
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Serving - Ashtray
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Serving - Chauffer
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Serving - Dancer
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Serving - Following Orders
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Serving - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Serving - Furniture
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Serving - Housework
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Serving - Maid
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Serving - Sexually
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex - Anal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Sex - Cunnilingus
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hate (1)
Sex - Denial
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hate (1)
Sex - Fellatio
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex - Group
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Penetration, Double
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Penetration, Triple
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Rimming
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Threesome
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Vaginal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex - Vanilla
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex Toys - Beads
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sex Toys - Butt Plugs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex Toys - Dildos
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex Toys - Love Eggs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sex Toys - Public (Under Clothes)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sex Toys - Strap On
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sex Toys - Vibrators
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Shaving - Body
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Shaving - Genital
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Shaving - Genital, Styling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Shaving - Head
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Showers - Brown
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Showers - Golden
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Speculums - Anal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Speculums - Vaginal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Swapping (Partner)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Voyeurism
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Worship - Boot
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Worship - Bottom
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Worship - Foot
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Worship - Genital
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Worship - High Heel
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Wrestling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious

My checklist ^w^

BDSM-Fetish-Kink Checklist

Here's how to use this checklist. For each question below just put a number from one to six (1-6) in the box to indicate your response based on this scale:

1. This is something I really do like/want.
2. This is fun, I like this.
3. I'm not sure, let's try it out.
4. I'm not really into this, but if it turns my partner on I don't object.
5. This will turn me off, I don't like this.
6. This is an absolute no go.

Take your time for this and consider each question, situation or indication carefully before answering.

Are there any specific types of people that turn you on?

[6] Soldiers, marines, paratroopers
[ 6] Sailors, coast guard, merchant marine
[ 6] Airmen, pilots
[ 6] Policemen, security people
[ 6] Truck drivers
[ 6] Firemen
[ 6] Executioners
[ 6] Nurses, doctors
[ 6] Prostitutes, tramps
[6 ] Hunters
[ 6] Wrestlers
[ 6] Surfers, life guards
[ 2] Motorcycle people, Hells Angels
[1] Cowboys, farm boys
[1] Gentlemen, nobility
[1] Business people, yuppies, managers
[ 6] Servants
[ 6] Teachers
[ 6] Daddy, uncle
Others, please specify: _I don't mind calling a partner "Daddy" but it doesn't turn me on through role play._

Which of the following scenes would turn you on?

[1] Having a romantic dinner by candlelight
[1] I am spanked because I have been a naughty girl
[1] I am in the woods and suddenly this man comes from behind and grabs me
[ 3] A stranger walks into my bedroom and finds me playing with myself
[ 2] My partner and I are making love in a public place
[ 6] I am are sold on a slave market
[ 3] I am used as a slave in public
[ 2] I am used as a slave in private
[ 6] I am ordered to please others
[ 2] I am a little schoolgirl
[ 1] I am sitting/kneeling at my Master's feet
[ 1] I am are tied and teased
[ 2] I am grabbed by the hair and dragged into the bedroom
[ 1] I am used as a dog, pony or pet
[ 3] I am verbally humiliated
[ 3] I am tied, gagged and blindfolded and left alone
[ 3] I am tied, gagged, blindfolded and thoroughly whipped
[ 4 My physical limits are tested and stretched
[ 4] My mental limits are tested and stretched
[ 6] I have to sign a contract
[ 3] I am a total slave every day of the week
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Is there any particular clothing or fabric that turns you on?

[ 1] Leather
[ 3] Rubber, latex
[ 3] Patent leather, PVC
[ 1] Sexy lingerie
[ 1] Uniforms
[ 1] Denim
[ 2] High Heels
[ 1] Boots
[ 6] Wet suits
[ 3] Servants uniform
[ 3] Masks
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Do any of the following environments or scenery turn you on?

[ 1] Your bedroom
[ 3] A dungeon, castle
[ 6] Churches and abbeys
[ 6] Farms and stables
[ 6] Barracks
[ 6] Abandoned construction sites
[ 3] Back alleys
[ 6] The red light district
[ 3] A school or a classroom
[ 3] BDSM-clubs
[ 3] Estates
[ 6] Junkyards and car dumps
[ 3] Woods and forests
[ 3] Medieval scenery
[ 6] Nudist beaches
[ 3] Parking spaces
[ 6] Truck stops
[ 6] The bath room
[ 6] Hospital, dentist
[ 3] Interrogation room
[ 6] The shrink's couch
[ 6] Boot camp
[ 6] Jail, police station
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

I enjoy the following psychodrama(s):

[3 ] The dominant talks, the submissive is silent or speaks only when spoken to
[ 1] Dialogue in normal language
[ 1] Dialogue in adapted language ("Master" and "slave")
[ 2 ] Obey rules or else
[ 1] Reasonable rules
[4 ] Unreasonable rules
[ 6] It is OK for the dominant to loose his temper
[ 1 ] Swearing and filthy talk
[4 ] Military/jail type commands
[ 4] Strict training
[ 6 ] Obvious and explicit role play
[1 ] Subtle role play
[3 ] I like to be persuaded, rather than commanded
[ 6] Make me feel guilty
[ 6 ] Make me feel cheap
[ 6] Make me feel used
[ 2 ] Make me feel owned
[ 6] Make me feel useless
[6 ] Objectify me
[ 1] The dominant must have compassion
[ 6 ] The dominant must have no compassion at all
[ 6] The dominant must only have compassion after the scene
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Sex and sexuality

[3 ] I need to be sexually aroused when in scene
[3 ] I need to be sexually aroused before I enter into a scene
[1 ] I like as many orgasms as I can get
[6 ] An orgasm turns me off
[4 ] An orgasm must only be allowed as a reward
[ 4 ] An orgasm is a must to end the scene
[ 6] Orgasms are not important, but nice
[6 ] Orgasms are not important at all
[ 4] I want to beg for an orgasm first
[4 ] I want my sexual abilities to be stretched
[ 1] I want/need sex during a scene
[ 5] I want no sex during a scene
[3 ] Sex should be used to relieve the tension
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

I love the following attributes

[1 ] Ropes
[1 ] Leather cuffs and belts
[3 ] Steel cuffs and chains
[5 ] Ball and chain
[ 1] Blindfold
[ 3] Gags
[ 3] Masks
[ 1] Nipple clamps and clothespins
[ 3] Whips
[ 3] Riding crops
[ 3] Canes
[ 1] Silk to be tied with
[ 1] Sex toys (vibrators, butt plugs)
[ 5] Needles and pins
[ 3] Cross, rack
[ 3] Bondage table
[ 3] Cage
[3 ] Sling
[ 3] Body bag
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

The following scenes appeal to me:

[ 1] Being tied up, caressed and loved
[ 1] Being in a public place and dominated in a subtle way
[1 ] Being taken out with collar and leash
[ 6 ] Being locked up and left alone
[ 1] Being tied up in a comfortable position
[2 ] Being tied up in discomfort
[ 3] Being tied up and (in a sexual way) exposed
[ 5] Being tied up and tickled
[ 2] Being tied up and (sexually) teased
[ 2] Being tied up and whipped, flogged or caned
[ 3] Not being tied up, but verbally commanded into certain positions and having to maintain these
[ 3] Caned, flogged or whipped without being tied or cuffed
[ 1] Being spanked in the traditional way
[ 3] Rough sex/being "raped"
[ 4] Used as a servant
[ 3] Being tied and tortured
[ 3] Being tortured without being tied or cuffed
[ 6] Being used by more than one dominant
[ 6] Playing in combination with other couples
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Safe words and signals

[ 1 ] The dominant should establish one or more safe words
[ 3] When I cry, the scene should stop
[ 2] I should be able to communicate in plain language
[2 ] The dominant should be able to read my body language
[6 ] I want to be tested when I use a safe word or signal
[5 ] All activity should stop immediately when I use a safe word or signal
[6 ] I do not want to use any safe word at all and my signals should be ignored completely
[2 ] When I use a safe word or signal the dominant should establish if the scene can continue
[2 ] A scene should go on up to the point where I use a safe word or signal
[2 ] The use of safe words and signals should be avoided as much as possible
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

To me erotic power exchange is:

[6 ] Something I like incidentally, just as a kick
[6 ] Something I like, but not too often
[ 2] Something I want as much as possible
[ 2] A lifestyle that I consider important and want to practice as much as possible
[1 ] A lifestyle that should be present at all times
[ 2] My way of life
[ 2 ] The most important thing I can think of
[2 ] Something I want exercised at all times and no matter what the consequences are.
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Dumped yet again.

Felix ended things with me. Well, it's incompatibility I guess. At least this time it only lasted two weeks. It still hurts like a bitch, but I'll move on.

Parental restrictions really getting on my nerves.

I really dislike that my mother again has put restrictions on my internet access. >.<

I'm 22 years old. I will be on sites she doesn't like. It doesn't really matter because I do private browsing anyway. Does she listen? No... She's too worried I'll run away and that I'll meet "creeps" online. The woman needs to let me grow up. >.<

This is all just part of the annoyances behind it because honestly... cutting back my computer time is going to cut back on my job application time. How can I apply to jobs just fine when my mother is practically monitoring my internet access and computer access? Again, I am an adult and this is just bullshit. Why the hell won't she let me grow up?

(Yes, after all this I still am an adult little and submissive, but I kinda have to drawn the line with my parents. I am an adult. They need to start treating me like one. I can't submit to their choices for my life forever. It'll only end up holding me back when I don't have the freedoms I feel I should have. I feel like I'm back in high school or middle school these days and it's really not cool.)

Entering "sub frenzy" and job update

Well, I think the "sub frenzy" has hit me recently. This is the first time in a long time too. I am aching for a good spanking and some fun bondage. That and sex would be great too. Well, at least I've got my toys. ^w^ (Thinks of what to do possibly with vibrator, butt plug, and nipple clamps.)

In other news, two weeks into my job at McDonalds, I was fired. I have immediately begun searching for other jobs. McDonalds just turned out not being a really good fit. I'm also probably going back to school in April and it'll at least help keep me busy for a while. (Yes, I know I have a bad view of school, but honestly, I want to be a housewife, anything I learn in school is only going to help me to get a job to pass the time until finally my dream can be achieved.) In the meantime, I am going to be learning how to knit and applying to jobs. I'm also really getting into my online scrabble. ^w^

Oh and I got a new pair of glasses! ^w^

The Myth that All Kinksters Must Be Open-Minded (whatever that means)

I'm sick and tired of people pulling that same line out of their asses.

I heard it when I told people I am happily monogamous and that I'm not interested in poly relationships--"well, you're not open minded enough, try it and you'll love it!" What? O.o

When I explain my own morality as someone who has cheated and regrets it when another kinksters admits to cheating (practically bragging and trying to justify themselves).--"So and so is totally cheating on their vanilla spouse and we totally need to support them and if you don't you're narrow minded and insulting kink!" What the flying fuck? Since when is cheating even a kink? I mean, seriously? You're trying to make it a fetish? >.<

Whenever someone (like me or anyone else) expresses a differing opinion than one in support of the OP in a thread on Fetlife--"Well, you need to be more open-minded! Your opinion is rude and wrong and I don't like you! Here I personally attack your character because you won't agree with me!"

Sometimes I wonder how many kinksters actually learned anything in high school besides drama. Get the fuck over yourselves people who think that way. We are human first, kinksters second. >.< If you'd rather live in your idealized fantasy world, go right ahead. But I'd rather be here, happy, and not a fucking hypocrite.

Tumblr and romantic ramblings ^w^

http://sweetlittlemoon.tumblr.com/

That is the link to my tumblr account. ^w^ There are some real life photos of me on there... but faces are pretty well covered. *giggles* The rest are just pictures I like. I'm sure I'll be doing a bit of blogging here and there when I get the chance.

Besides that life is going pretty well. ^w^ I have been smiling so much lately it makes me so happy to be with Felix again.It really doesn't feel like things have changed that much. We pretty much just picked up where we left off. It's sweet. I trust him and care for him so much. ^w^

*does happy dance*

Felix and I made it official last night. ^w^ I am so very happy! *does happy dance again* I know it's fast and I know he's an ex, but we talked it through as I'm sure we'll talk through many things. I'm surprised at how easily I trust him still. He really does bring out my inner kitty and sub a lot. (The little and kitty part kinda mesh when he brings out the inner kitty.) I just keep looking up and seeing at how wonderful the world is right now. It's a lot brighter today than it was yesterday, despite the cold winds I hear whipping by the windows causing me to shiver as I type this. ^w^

Happy Thoughts ^w^

I reconnected with an ex of mine, we'll call him Felix, and it's actually turning out well. I'm surprised how much he still knows me after over a year of not being in contact. (Ok, the not being in contact was my choice, he tried contacting me and I was upset because I misunderstood his motives in talking to me after we split and were friends and we'd both moved on.I know what his motives were now and that clears things up a lot ^w^.)

One thing that is interesting though, is that I met him before I even realized I was a submissive little kitty girl and he kinda brought it out of me while we talked last night. (I do find myself still attracted to him and he thankfully returns the attraction. We're taking things slow as we just reconnected yesterday and all... well, kinda slow lol last night this kitty was naughty in some ways... *blushes* and no... I didn't break my own rule of "no sex out of a relationship, including phone sex.) Oh and what I was saying... He has this weird power over me. He totally instantly brought out my inner little kitty self. >w<  I'm slowly realizing that while talking with him, my kitty self has always been there and I'm sure the little side as well. It's an awesome feeling. ^w^ Thank goodness I am better about taking things slow than I used to be... Ok... maybe I'm not cuz I got together with my ex a month after the guy before him I dated and I split. >.< But I am getting better. I am improving in a lot of ways. It's just nice to have someone to talk to who wants to talk to me and likes to make me smile. ^w^ (He gives my parent's dog a serious run for her non-existent money.) The rest is pretty much a bonus, like the icing on the cake or the cherry on top! ^w^

Realizations and Steps Moving Forward

Well, today I had an epiphany, well mostly last night. I realized that since being freed of the binds of relationship limbo, I am feeling more free sexually. Last night I realized that while fantasizing about some random dominant type man coming into my life and filling me with lust. I can't remember his face, but the rest was very fun to think about.

I feel this is a step in moving forward. I may not be ready to date anyone yet after leaving my ex-fiance, but I am ready to enjoy being single. I am thankful for my vibrator, butt plug, nipple clamps, and other toys I have around to keep me company. ^w^

I also feel I am moving forward because of work. This week I get 38 hours in and that is the most I've ever worked in one week in a few years now. (As a berry inspector I once had a week where I worked 50 hours, but the job was seasonal.) So far, so good. And I met a really sweet girl at work that I will be training with. I think I will be able to make some local friends through working at McDonalds. I still hope I get the job at the credit union, but at this point, McDonalds will only be a step in the right direction when it comes to experience. ^w^

Got a job! ^w^

Yesterday I went in for my interview with McDonald's and I walked out employed. I'm actually going to be getting more hours and more pay than I did working retail at Ross. I am so happy to be among the employed again. And I will be saving up to move out of my parent's house. Overall, yesterday was a good day. (Even with the crazy butt-dial from my most recent ex that I am thankful I have friends to help me through that rough time.)

Lonely Nights

The one thing I miss about being in a Daddy/little girl relationship right now is that when I get uber scared at night when I'm all alone in my room, I have no one to really contact. I have good friends who help me when they can, bless them, but it's not the same. I don't feel as protected against the evil scary night monsters. >.<

What's hardest is the loneliness I feel at night. I just want to be held in someone's safe arms, yet I know I'd be rushing into a relationship and that would be doomed to fail. >.< I miss so many things about being in a relationship, yet I am doing my best not to make the same mistakes I have made in the past.

Lately, the loneliness has been hardest. It was like this even before I left my lover/Daddy/Master. >.< It was hard the last few weeks of our complicated relationship (at that point due to separation) because I didn't feel like he wanted to protect me anymore. I felt so lonely so often, and now it's only become worse. I am thankful for the friends I have. They mean so much to me. The hardest thing for me right now is trying not to push my natural clinginess in romantic relationships onto my friends. >.< I don't want to push them away like I pushed my ex away. This loneliness is hurting me so much. I've actually been afraid to cry over the loneliness I feel. I don't want to be seen as weak by my family. They are so proud of me for standing up for my own wants and needs, which weren't being met. And I know I couldn't have stayed in such an unhappy relationship. I just wish the loneliness would go away. >.<

What ten words would you use to describe yourself to someone?

The ten words I'd use to describe myself (with links to definitions) to someone are:

1.) Motivated

2.) Dedicated


3.) Monogamous

4.) Earnest

5.) Faithful

6.) Talkative


7.) Sincere

8.) Inspired

9.)Creative

10.) Curious

I feel those words sum me up very well. ^w^  Though I have to say this journal prompt was very difficult.

As If Things Are Falling Apart--A Poem

It's as if things are falling apart.
I miss being held tightly in your arms
Your scent dancing around me
And carrying me to a better place
Beyond the stresses of everyday.
I miss the sound of your voice,
The way it calmed me in every way.
I miss feeling owned by you,
Being your slave, your kitty, your girl.
It feels as if those days are gone
And I'm no longer yours
Though you love me with all your heart.
I just wish I could see it, hear it, feel it,
Since it's as if things are falling apart.

I left my lover yesterday.

Yesterday I ended things with my ex-fiance/lover/spiritual husband/kinda-sorta-boyfriend-though-we-were-separated. It hurts a lot, even though it had to be done.

Yesterday we hardly were able to talk as his phone service had blocked us from calling each other over investigating previous charges that were very high.

The lack of communication came from a variety of factors though that had been happening over the past few weeks. He told me yesterday I was pushing him away through trying to communicate my feelings. It really hurt to hear that. He actually signed off of msn (our only form of communication at the time because of the phone service problems) on me because I was trying to explain to him why I felt that his putting the fate of our relationship in the hands of his therapist didn't feel right to me. (He had decided he trusts his therapist more than himself and that when his therapist would say he was ready to be with me, then and only then would he ready to be with me again. He then accused me of forcing him into a relationship he didn't want to be in. That was not my intention, I just didn't like not having a voice in the future of our relationship and that he had given up his voice. >.<)

I don't think he wanted to really be with me the past few weeks. I think that when it came to his mom practically kicking me out and then his therapist telling him to leave me, he chose them over me each time. I think from those points, though the first was good for him (because of school, I understood), the second has felt like it was nothing but harmful to what was "us." The separation should have been a breakup. It would have been easier than dragging it on for what would have been an unknown amount of time.

I still feel bad that I couldn't end things with him over the phone, but yesterday when he refused to talk with me because, to him, I was being "unnecessary drama" by expressing my views on the separation and how limited things were getting. (Though I have to point out, I was expressing my views based on the decisions he's made, therefore I feel it's not my drama. He chose to put our relationship's fate in the hands of his therapist and outside of us, the couple in the relationship.) When he just shut me out like that, I realized I couldn't be in a relationship with him even in the limbo we were in because I wasn't getting heard. He was already cutting me out of his life. I ended things for my own sanity because I can't be with someone who won't really think for themselves about their own life/relationships within that life and that chooses not to communicate with me.

I really wish I could maintain a friendship with him in the future, but right now he has already blocked me on facebook and removed me from his friends' list there. (On top of the fact we can't text or talk or anything at the moment and I'm not his friend on any other sites as he doesn't frequent some other sites I introduced him to or have an account here to my knowledge.) He is already putting as much distance between us as possible, and I do understand that need for both of us. I just really wish it didn't have to be this way. >.<

One popular idea is that slaves have no choices once they are owned. Others do not agree with this concept. Is this an accurate statement for you?

In my experience, slaves always have a choice. Whether to stay with their Master or to leave. This can mean a variety of things.

I do recognize slaves as still being human beings and because they are still human they will always have choices. They can choose to either follow their Master's orders or to do as they please knowing the consequences. They can choose to communicate when they have an issue with something or they can ignore any problems they have within the relationship and hope for the best. There are always choices in relationships. Sometimes the things that submissives and slave types perceive as bad (such as communication and expressing their own views when they don't match up with their Dominant types) really are not bad because refusing to do them will eventually crumble away at the relationship. There is always a choice, even for the Masters/Dominants.

So how is it that a slave has no choice? Well, a slave always has a choice, which they can also choose to have included in their relationship or it can be something agreed upon that it's not a choice they have, but in that instance they are willingly giving up that right. (I don't agree with it, but they still made a choice to not have the right to leave.)

There will always be a choice. And, honestly, in my experience, many of those relationships where the choice to leave is taken from the slave, the relationship still ends and the slave does leave (usually through being released). Yet, in their opinion and their view, they didn't have the right. I feel it's rather unfair to put all the weight of ending the relationship on one party in any relationship. That's one big reason why I don't believe in that. A slave always has the right to leave, whether s/he acts on it or not.

True-isms in BDSM

It's not surprising that in BDSM, just like in every other aspect of life, people are quick to put others down for not reaching their standards or meeting their definitions of things. I grew up seeing this a lot among the different sects of Christianity (as my mother was raised Catholic but her mother and father now are part of the Baptist church not to mention the friends that I have that are from other Christian sects).

Today I commented on a thread where a girl was talking about her experience in her relationship, which she pointed out was not 24/7 though they lived together and then she went on to talk about some problems she was having with her Dom and her feelings on the matter as well as asking if her thought process of thinking she was stubborn. (Long story short, her Dom was feeling insecure that day because he saw a guy he thought was hotter than him at a party, got drunk, and asked her to have sex with him, to which she refused because she was already tired from him keeping her up the past few nights and she had work early the next morning.)

Sometime after I posted and then was questioned and then clarified my stance (which was that communication was what was important as well as both the OP and her Dom working on controlling, owning, and expressing their emotions better, not the fact that she turned him down for sex), there was one comment that struck me when another commenter mentioned her indignation at some other posters for actually saying it was alright for the OP to turn down her Dom's request for sex and how it reminds her how many people are "playing pretend with this lifestyle instead of actually living it" This really hit me as incredibly rude. The girl then went on to talk about her own relationship with her Dominant and how he owns her body and then made some comment about how since the OP's Dom didn't seem to have it in their agreement that he owned the OP's body that the OP shouldn't consider herself submissive. Needless to say that kind of rudeness and defining others by your own relationship's agreements bugs the hell out of me.

The reason comments like that bug me is that there is more than just one way to have a D/s relationship and there is more than just one way to have an M/s relationship. Hell, not every Daddy/little girl relationship or Owner/pet relationship is exactly the same in the BDSM lifestyle.I'm not trying to simply be PC about this at all, I honestly just know that just like outside of BDSM every relationship differs from relationship to relationship. We all have different wants and needs that need to be met. The OP in that instance was not in a 24/7 relationship and like that one commenter many people treated it as if it were simply because the OP and her Dom live together. I have spoken to married couples who are happy to take part in D/s on occasion or even just keep it in the bedroom and although I am a submissive slave type personality I don't think it makes them fake or only "playing a game." That is what works for them and their relationship.

The more that I see people talk like how that one commenter did I am reminded of why I don't mind not fitting the mold and seeing myself as a slave and a pet and a little girl all rolled into one. Some people prefer just one way of describing themself and stick to that title though they have fetishes and interests in other things but they still take those things into consideration when finding a compatible partner, which many do successfully find. Some people prefer to just stick to one title because it does actually work for them and describing their relationship. Some people don't have 24/7 D/s and M/s relationship even while they live with their partner. Some people have 24/7 D/s and M/s relationships while living thousands of miles apart. It doesn't make one relationship more than the other or the other less than. It means that even in the BDSM lifestyle we are a variety of people with a variety of differing interests as well as differing wants and needs in our life as well as in how we choose to live this lifestyle. I just wish more people would see that instead of being so quick to deem others as "players" or "fakes." Just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for everyone.

Why do you define yourself as submissive?

I define myself as submissive because I enjoy helping my partner in any way I can.

Though I may not be the best cook, I will cook for them if they ask for it (or if they're ill and need me to cook for them because they can't cook). Other things I like to do is to be their secretary in some way. I will be on top of the goings on in their life and to help keep them organized, which is a surprisingly easy for me considering my own ADD.

On top of that I like to keep things relatively clean in the house or at least as clean as they'd like it to be. (I have failed in that in the past, but it really does depend on the cleanliness of the Dominant I am with how clean the house is kept.)

I am also am masochistic, which to some, like me, goes along with their submission. (Just like how many believe anal is a submissive act, though I do not believe anal is something submissive it is something I enjoy.)

Now that I think about it, it's pretty hard for me to really define my submission. Mostly I just feel it in me. It's that need to please others that has been a part of me for years. I am working these days on finding more of a balance between pleasing myself and pleasing others through the therapy I am in. I think it will help me be a better submissive because I will be less stressed while serving my Dominant.

Why I am happy I left OKCupid.

Today I happened to read a thread on Fetlife about a guy meeting a girl on OKCupid that he seems interested in who after five weeks is still not comfortable talking about sex with him. The guy is unsure of how to proceed because he deems her an "odd character." I don't see how she is odd. The girl has her own issues she's dealing with in her own way and he's really wanting to talk about her sexual history and about sex in general with her.

It reminds me of what I am learning about in my therapy. Everyone has their own issues they are working through. The only reason I want to know my lover/Eddie/Daddy's issues is because I want to help him through them and we are working on bettering our relationship that has already been established. This guy has only known this girl a little over a month and is anxious to know more about her and in this context, he wants to know more about her sexually. Instead of thinking about why it's so important to him that he knows, he's thinking about why she is being the way she is and how he should approach the issue. It's not that he's a bad guy, but that he's basically trying to make her own issues his own when she hasn't decided if she's ok with that or not. (Which basically means back off until she is ok with it.)

It comes across to me like the guy is trying to get her to go at his pace and he is reluctant (at this point) to be patient with her. If I were him I would honestly start looking for someone more compatible with me at this point in my life. The girl clearly is not moving at the pace he would like and he's so interested in her he's ignoring the signals she's already giving him. Either she's not interested or she is dealing with her own issues and he needs to be patient. I only hope he realizes it soon before he comes across as a creeper pushing for sex--which OKC is notorious for.

Funny thing is, the guy clearly didn't like the advice I was giving him and kept making assumptions about my assuming about him all the while he is assuming about the girl he is interested in. Eh... It would be great if people didn't get so pissed off if they didn't get the advice they wanted to hear. He really does come across though like one of the many selfish horny guys that OKC is notorious for.

Some random fun stuff I did yesterday.

Yesterday was a good day. (I am not really going to talk about today as I am being lazy today and will probably only manage to accomplish doing laundry.)

Yesterday was a good day because I officially started this blog, went for a walk to a cool store nearby my house, and managed to play a few cool games.

The games I played were Icy Gifts, Sushi Cat 2, and Clay Yourself (a game created by hotels.com).

For those that are curious how I look in real life, this "clay yourself" version of me is really quite close lol

Hello ^w^

Seeing as this is my first posting in my blog I figure I should give a little information about myself.

My name is Courtney, but my nickname is Coco. (It is the name I prefer to be called in online situations.)

I am 22 years old and the oldest of three girls. My parents both work for the government.

I wear glasses.

My interests are reading and writing and I love researching random stuff.

Some of my other interests include camping, swimming, going on walks, and meditation.

My religious views are still forming though I lean strongly towards neopaganism with a focus on the triple goddess.

My favorite color is forest green.

My favorite gemstones are opals, sapphires, and emeralds.

I enjoy playing video games, though I am not the most skilled player I always manage to have loads of fun.


Among other things I recognize as submissive and I am somewhat of a masochist. I thoroughly enjoy bondage.

In the BDSM scene I have come to recognize myself as a pet and adult little girl. I am still figuring out if I should consider myself a slave or a submissive as this is a confusing time in my life.

I also recognize as a furry and a therian. My fursona is a blend of my theriotypes which are the rusty-spotted cat and ragdoll cat.

I sleep with stuffed animals and a baby blanket and I am not afraid of letting people know that.

I am a huge fan of cartoons and also love educational television (including History Channel, Discovery Channel, Travel Channel, and Jeopardy).

Though I am currently unemployed I am actively looking for work and hope to have a place of my own soon.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and learn more about me.