The Myth that All Kinksters Must Be Open-Minded (whatever that means)

I'm sick and tired of people pulling that same line out of their asses.

I heard it when I told people I am happily monogamous and that I'm not interested in poly relationships--"well, you're not open minded enough, try it and you'll love it!" What? O.o

When I explain my own morality as someone who has cheated and regrets it when another kinksters admits to cheating (practically bragging and trying to justify themselves).--"So and so is totally cheating on their vanilla spouse and we totally need to support them and if you don't you're narrow minded and insulting kink!" What the flying fuck? Since when is cheating even a kink? I mean, seriously? You're trying to make it a fetish? >.<

Whenever someone (like me or anyone else) expresses a differing opinion than one in support of the OP in a thread on Fetlife--"Well, you need to be more open-minded! Your opinion is rude and wrong and I don't like you! Here I personally attack your character because you won't agree with me!"

Sometimes I wonder how many kinksters actually learned anything in high school besides drama. Get the fuck over yourselves people who think that way. We are human first, kinksters second. >.< If you'd rather live in your idealized fantasy world, go right ahead. But I'd rather be here, happy, and not a fucking hypocrite.

Tumblr and romantic ramblings ^w^

http://sweetlittlemoon.tumblr.com/

That is the link to my tumblr account. ^w^ There are some real life photos of me on there... but faces are pretty well covered. *giggles* The rest are just pictures I like. I'm sure I'll be doing a bit of blogging here and there when I get the chance.

Besides that life is going pretty well. ^w^ I have been smiling so much lately it makes me so happy to be with Felix again.It really doesn't feel like things have changed that much. We pretty much just picked up where we left off. It's sweet. I trust him and care for him so much. ^w^

*does happy dance*

Felix and I made it official last night. ^w^ I am so very happy! *does happy dance again* I know it's fast and I know he's an ex, but we talked it through as I'm sure we'll talk through many things. I'm surprised at how easily I trust him still. He really does bring out my inner kitty and sub a lot. (The little and kitty part kinda mesh when he brings out the inner kitty.) I just keep looking up and seeing at how wonderful the world is right now. It's a lot brighter today than it was yesterday, despite the cold winds I hear whipping by the windows causing me to shiver as I type this. ^w^

Happy Thoughts ^w^

I reconnected with an ex of mine, we'll call him Felix, and it's actually turning out well. I'm surprised how much he still knows me after over a year of not being in contact. (Ok, the not being in contact was my choice, he tried contacting me and I was upset because I misunderstood his motives in talking to me after we split and were friends and we'd both moved on.I know what his motives were now and that clears things up a lot ^w^.)

One thing that is interesting though, is that I met him before I even realized I was a submissive little kitty girl and he kinda brought it out of me while we talked last night. (I do find myself still attracted to him and he thankfully returns the attraction. We're taking things slow as we just reconnected yesterday and all... well, kinda slow lol last night this kitty was naughty in some ways... *blushes* and no... I didn't break my own rule of "no sex out of a relationship, including phone sex.) Oh and what I was saying... He has this weird power over me. He totally instantly brought out my inner little kitty self. >w<  I'm slowly realizing that while talking with him, my kitty self has always been there and I'm sure the little side as well. It's an awesome feeling. ^w^ Thank goodness I am better about taking things slow than I used to be... Ok... maybe I'm not cuz I got together with my ex a month after the guy before him I dated and I split. >.< But I am getting better. I am improving in a lot of ways. It's just nice to have someone to talk to who wants to talk to me and likes to make me smile. ^w^ (He gives my parent's dog a serious run for her non-existent money.) The rest is pretty much a bonus, like the icing on the cake or the cherry on top! ^w^

Realizations and Steps Moving Forward

Well, today I had an epiphany, well mostly last night. I realized that since being freed of the binds of relationship limbo, I am feeling more free sexually. Last night I realized that while fantasizing about some random dominant type man coming into my life and filling me with lust. I can't remember his face, but the rest was very fun to think about.

I feel this is a step in moving forward. I may not be ready to date anyone yet after leaving my ex-fiance, but I am ready to enjoy being single. I am thankful for my vibrator, butt plug, nipple clamps, and other toys I have around to keep me company. ^w^

I also feel I am moving forward because of work. This week I get 38 hours in and that is the most I've ever worked in one week in a few years now. (As a berry inspector I once had a week where I worked 50 hours, but the job was seasonal.) So far, so good. And I met a really sweet girl at work that I will be training with. I think I will be able to make some local friends through working at McDonalds. I still hope I get the job at the credit union, but at this point, McDonalds will only be a step in the right direction when it comes to experience. ^w^

Got a job! ^w^

Yesterday I went in for my interview with McDonald's and I walked out employed. I'm actually going to be getting more hours and more pay than I did working retail at Ross. I am so happy to be among the employed again. And I will be saving up to move out of my parent's house. Overall, yesterday was a good day. (Even with the crazy butt-dial from my most recent ex that I am thankful I have friends to help me through that rough time.)

Lonely Nights

The one thing I miss about being in a Daddy/little girl relationship right now is that when I get uber scared at night when I'm all alone in my room, I have no one to really contact. I have good friends who help me when they can, bless them, but it's not the same. I don't feel as protected against the evil scary night monsters. >.<

What's hardest is the loneliness I feel at night. I just want to be held in someone's safe arms, yet I know I'd be rushing into a relationship and that would be doomed to fail. >.< I miss so many things about being in a relationship, yet I am doing my best not to make the same mistakes I have made in the past.

Lately, the loneliness has been hardest. It was like this even before I left my lover/Daddy/Master. >.< It was hard the last few weeks of our complicated relationship (at that point due to separation) because I didn't feel like he wanted to protect me anymore. I felt so lonely so often, and now it's only become worse. I am thankful for the friends I have. They mean so much to me. The hardest thing for me right now is trying not to push my natural clinginess in romantic relationships onto my friends. >.< I don't want to push them away like I pushed my ex away. This loneliness is hurting me so much. I've actually been afraid to cry over the loneliness I feel. I don't want to be seen as weak by my family. They are so proud of me for standing up for my own wants and needs, which weren't being met. And I know I couldn't have stayed in such an unhappy relationship. I just wish the loneliness would go away. >.<

What ten words would you use to describe yourself to someone?

The ten words I'd use to describe myself (with links to definitions) to someone are:

1.) Motivated

2.) Dedicated


3.) Monogamous

4.) Earnest

5.) Faithful

6.) Talkative


7.) Sincere

8.) Inspired

9.)Creative

10.) Curious

I feel those words sum me up very well. ^w^  Though I have to say this journal prompt was very difficult.

As If Things Are Falling Apart--A Poem

It's as if things are falling apart.
I miss being held tightly in your arms
Your scent dancing around me
And carrying me to a better place
Beyond the stresses of everyday.
I miss the sound of your voice,
The way it calmed me in every way.
I miss feeling owned by you,
Being your slave, your kitty, your girl.
It feels as if those days are gone
And I'm no longer yours
Though you love me with all your heart.
I just wish I could see it, hear it, feel it,
Since it's as if things are falling apart.

I left my lover yesterday.

Yesterday I ended things with my ex-fiance/lover/spiritual husband/kinda-sorta-boyfriend-though-we-were-separated. It hurts a lot, even though it had to be done.

Yesterday we hardly were able to talk as his phone service had blocked us from calling each other over investigating previous charges that were very high.

The lack of communication came from a variety of factors though that had been happening over the past few weeks. He told me yesterday I was pushing him away through trying to communicate my feelings. It really hurt to hear that. He actually signed off of msn (our only form of communication at the time because of the phone service problems) on me because I was trying to explain to him why I felt that his putting the fate of our relationship in the hands of his therapist didn't feel right to me. (He had decided he trusts his therapist more than himself and that when his therapist would say he was ready to be with me, then and only then would he ready to be with me again. He then accused me of forcing him into a relationship he didn't want to be in. That was not my intention, I just didn't like not having a voice in the future of our relationship and that he had given up his voice. >.<)

I don't think he wanted to really be with me the past few weeks. I think that when it came to his mom practically kicking me out and then his therapist telling him to leave me, he chose them over me each time. I think from those points, though the first was good for him (because of school, I understood), the second has felt like it was nothing but harmful to what was "us." The separation should have been a breakup. It would have been easier than dragging it on for what would have been an unknown amount of time.

I still feel bad that I couldn't end things with him over the phone, but yesterday when he refused to talk with me because, to him, I was being "unnecessary drama" by expressing my views on the separation and how limited things were getting. (Though I have to point out, I was expressing my views based on the decisions he's made, therefore I feel it's not my drama. He chose to put our relationship's fate in the hands of his therapist and outside of us, the couple in the relationship.) When he just shut me out like that, I realized I couldn't be in a relationship with him even in the limbo we were in because I wasn't getting heard. He was already cutting me out of his life. I ended things for my own sanity because I can't be with someone who won't really think for themselves about their own life/relationships within that life and that chooses not to communicate with me.

I really wish I could maintain a friendship with him in the future, but right now he has already blocked me on facebook and removed me from his friends' list there. (On top of the fact we can't text or talk or anything at the moment and I'm not his friend on any other sites as he doesn't frequent some other sites I introduced him to or have an account here to my knowledge.) He is already putting as much distance between us as possible, and I do understand that need for both of us. I just really wish it didn't have to be this way. >.<

One popular idea is that slaves have no choices once they are owned. Others do not agree with this concept. Is this an accurate statement for you?

In my experience, slaves always have a choice. Whether to stay with their Master or to leave. This can mean a variety of things.

I do recognize slaves as still being human beings and because they are still human they will always have choices. They can choose to either follow their Master's orders or to do as they please knowing the consequences. They can choose to communicate when they have an issue with something or they can ignore any problems they have within the relationship and hope for the best. There are always choices in relationships. Sometimes the things that submissives and slave types perceive as bad (such as communication and expressing their own views when they don't match up with their Dominant types) really are not bad because refusing to do them will eventually crumble away at the relationship. There is always a choice, even for the Masters/Dominants.

So how is it that a slave has no choice? Well, a slave always has a choice, which they can also choose to have included in their relationship or it can be something agreed upon that it's not a choice they have, but in that instance they are willingly giving up that right. (I don't agree with it, but they still made a choice to not have the right to leave.)

There will always be a choice. And, honestly, in my experience, many of those relationships where the choice to leave is taken from the slave, the relationship still ends and the slave does leave (usually through being released). Yet, in their opinion and their view, they didn't have the right. I feel it's rather unfair to put all the weight of ending the relationship on one party in any relationship. That's one big reason why I don't believe in that. A slave always has the right to leave, whether s/he acts on it or not.

True-isms in BDSM

It's not surprising that in BDSM, just like in every other aspect of life, people are quick to put others down for not reaching their standards or meeting their definitions of things. I grew up seeing this a lot among the different sects of Christianity (as my mother was raised Catholic but her mother and father now are part of the Baptist church not to mention the friends that I have that are from other Christian sects).

Today I commented on a thread where a girl was talking about her experience in her relationship, which she pointed out was not 24/7 though they lived together and then she went on to talk about some problems she was having with her Dom and her feelings on the matter as well as asking if her thought process of thinking she was stubborn. (Long story short, her Dom was feeling insecure that day because he saw a guy he thought was hotter than him at a party, got drunk, and asked her to have sex with him, to which she refused because she was already tired from him keeping her up the past few nights and she had work early the next morning.)

Sometime after I posted and then was questioned and then clarified my stance (which was that communication was what was important as well as both the OP and her Dom working on controlling, owning, and expressing their emotions better, not the fact that she turned him down for sex), there was one comment that struck me when another commenter mentioned her indignation at some other posters for actually saying it was alright for the OP to turn down her Dom's request for sex and how it reminds her how many people are "playing pretend with this lifestyle instead of actually living it" This really hit me as incredibly rude. The girl then went on to talk about her own relationship with her Dominant and how he owns her body and then made some comment about how since the OP's Dom didn't seem to have it in their agreement that he owned the OP's body that the OP shouldn't consider herself submissive. Needless to say that kind of rudeness and defining others by your own relationship's agreements bugs the hell out of me.

The reason comments like that bug me is that there is more than just one way to have a D/s relationship and there is more than just one way to have an M/s relationship. Hell, not every Daddy/little girl relationship or Owner/pet relationship is exactly the same in the BDSM lifestyle.I'm not trying to simply be PC about this at all, I honestly just know that just like outside of BDSM every relationship differs from relationship to relationship. We all have different wants and needs that need to be met. The OP in that instance was not in a 24/7 relationship and like that one commenter many people treated it as if it were simply because the OP and her Dom live together. I have spoken to married couples who are happy to take part in D/s on occasion or even just keep it in the bedroom and although I am a submissive slave type personality I don't think it makes them fake or only "playing a game." That is what works for them and their relationship.

The more that I see people talk like how that one commenter did I am reminded of why I don't mind not fitting the mold and seeing myself as a slave and a pet and a little girl all rolled into one. Some people prefer just one way of describing themself and stick to that title though they have fetishes and interests in other things but they still take those things into consideration when finding a compatible partner, which many do successfully find. Some people prefer to just stick to one title because it does actually work for them and describing their relationship. Some people don't have 24/7 D/s and M/s relationship even while they live with their partner. Some people have 24/7 D/s and M/s relationships while living thousands of miles apart. It doesn't make one relationship more than the other or the other less than. It means that even in the BDSM lifestyle we are a variety of people with a variety of differing interests as well as differing wants and needs in our life as well as in how we choose to live this lifestyle. I just wish more people would see that instead of being so quick to deem others as "players" or "fakes." Just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for everyone.

Why do you define yourself as submissive?

I define myself as submissive because I enjoy helping my partner in any way I can.

Though I may not be the best cook, I will cook for them if they ask for it (or if they're ill and need me to cook for them because they can't cook). Other things I like to do is to be their secretary in some way. I will be on top of the goings on in their life and to help keep them organized, which is a surprisingly easy for me considering my own ADD.

On top of that I like to keep things relatively clean in the house or at least as clean as they'd like it to be. (I have failed in that in the past, but it really does depend on the cleanliness of the Dominant I am with how clean the house is kept.)

I am also am masochistic, which to some, like me, goes along with their submission. (Just like how many believe anal is a submissive act, though I do not believe anal is something submissive it is something I enjoy.)

Now that I think about it, it's pretty hard for me to really define my submission. Mostly I just feel it in me. It's that need to please others that has been a part of me for years. I am working these days on finding more of a balance between pleasing myself and pleasing others through the therapy I am in. I think it will help me be a better submissive because I will be less stressed while serving my Dominant.

Why I am happy I left OKCupid.

Today I happened to read a thread on Fetlife about a guy meeting a girl on OKCupid that he seems interested in who after five weeks is still not comfortable talking about sex with him. The guy is unsure of how to proceed because he deems her an "odd character." I don't see how she is odd. The girl has her own issues she's dealing with in her own way and he's really wanting to talk about her sexual history and about sex in general with her.

It reminds me of what I am learning about in my therapy. Everyone has their own issues they are working through. The only reason I want to know my lover/Eddie/Daddy's issues is because I want to help him through them and we are working on bettering our relationship that has already been established. This guy has only known this girl a little over a month and is anxious to know more about her and in this context, he wants to know more about her sexually. Instead of thinking about why it's so important to him that he knows, he's thinking about why she is being the way she is and how he should approach the issue. It's not that he's a bad guy, but that he's basically trying to make her own issues his own when she hasn't decided if she's ok with that or not. (Which basically means back off until she is ok with it.)

It comes across to me like the guy is trying to get her to go at his pace and he is reluctant (at this point) to be patient with her. If I were him I would honestly start looking for someone more compatible with me at this point in my life. The girl clearly is not moving at the pace he would like and he's so interested in her he's ignoring the signals she's already giving him. Either she's not interested or she is dealing with her own issues and he needs to be patient. I only hope he realizes it soon before he comes across as a creeper pushing for sex--which OKC is notorious for.

Funny thing is, the guy clearly didn't like the advice I was giving him and kept making assumptions about my assuming about him all the while he is assuming about the girl he is interested in. Eh... It would be great if people didn't get so pissed off if they didn't get the advice they wanted to hear. He really does come across though like one of the many selfish horny guys that OKC is notorious for.

Some random fun stuff I did yesterday.

Yesterday was a good day. (I am not really going to talk about today as I am being lazy today and will probably only manage to accomplish doing laundry.)

Yesterday was a good day because I officially started this blog, went for a walk to a cool store nearby my house, and managed to play a few cool games.

The games I played were Icy Gifts, Sushi Cat 2, and Clay Yourself (a game created by hotels.com).

For those that are curious how I look in real life, this "clay yourself" version of me is really quite close lol

Hello ^w^

Seeing as this is my first posting in my blog I figure I should give a little information about myself.

My name is Courtney, but my nickname is Coco. (It is the name I prefer to be called in online situations.)

I am 22 years old and the oldest of three girls. My parents both work for the government.

I wear glasses.

My interests are reading and writing and I love researching random stuff.

Some of my other interests include camping, swimming, going on walks, and meditation.

My religious views are still forming though I lean strongly towards neopaganism with a focus on the triple goddess.

My favorite color is forest green.

My favorite gemstones are opals, sapphires, and emeralds.

I enjoy playing video games, though I am not the most skilled player I always manage to have loads of fun.


Among other things I recognize as submissive and I am somewhat of a masochist. I thoroughly enjoy bondage.

In the BDSM scene I have come to recognize myself as a pet and adult little girl. I am still figuring out if I should consider myself a slave or a submissive as this is a confusing time in my life.

I also recognize as a furry and a therian. My fursona is a blend of my theriotypes which are the rusty-spotted cat and ragdoll cat.

I sleep with stuffed animals and a baby blanket and I am not afraid of letting people know that.

I am a huge fan of cartoons and also love educational television (including History Channel, Discovery Channel, Travel Channel, and Jeopardy).

Though I am currently unemployed I am actively looking for work and hope to have a place of my own soon.

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and learn more about me.