It's not surprising that in BDSM, just like in every other aspect of life, people are quick to put others down for not reaching their standards or meeting their definitions of things. I grew up seeing this a lot among the different sects of Christianity (as my mother was raised Catholic but her mother and father now are part of the Baptist church not to mention the friends that I have that are from other Christian sects).
Today I commented on a thread where a girl was talking about her experience in her relationship, which she pointed out was not 24/7 though they lived together and then she went on to talk about some problems she was having with her Dom and her feelings on the matter as well as asking if her thought process of thinking she was stubborn. (Long story short, her Dom was feeling insecure that day because he saw a guy he thought was hotter than him at a party, got drunk, and asked her to have sex with him, to which she refused because she was already tired from him keeping her up the past few nights and she had work early the next morning.)
Sometime after I posted and then was questioned and then clarified my stance (which was that communication was what was important as well as both the OP and her Dom working on controlling, owning, and expressing their emotions better, not the fact that she turned him down for sex), there was one comment that struck me when another commenter mentioned her indignation at some other posters for actually saying it was alright for the OP to turn down her Dom's request for sex and how it reminds her how many people are "playing pretend with this lifestyle instead of actually living it" This really hit me as incredibly rude. The girl then went on to talk about her own relationship with her Dominant and how he owns her body and then made some comment about how since the OP's Dom didn't seem to have it in their agreement that he owned the OP's body that the OP shouldn't consider herself submissive. Needless to say that kind of rudeness and defining others by your own relationship's agreements bugs the hell out of me.
The reason comments like that bug me is that there is more than just one way to have a D/s relationship and there is more than just one way to have an M/s relationship. Hell, not every Daddy/little girl relationship or Owner/pet relationship is exactly the same in the BDSM lifestyle.I'm not trying to simply be PC about this at all, I honestly just know that just like outside of BDSM every relationship differs from relationship to relationship. We all have different wants and needs that need to be met. The OP in that instance was not in a 24/7 relationship and like that one commenter many people treated it as if it were simply because the OP and her Dom live together. I have spoken to married couples who are happy to take part in D/s on occasion or even just keep it in the bedroom and although I am a submissive slave type personality I don't think it makes them fake or only "playing a game." That is what works for them and their relationship.
The more that I see people talk like how that one commenter did I am reminded of why I don't mind not fitting the mold and seeing myself as a slave and a pet and a little girl all rolled into one. Some people prefer just one way of describing themself and stick to that title though they have fetishes and interests in other things but they still take those things into consideration when finding a compatible partner, which many do successfully find. Some people prefer to just stick to one title because it does actually work for them and describing their relationship. Some people don't have 24/7 D/s and M/s relationship even while they live with their partner. Some people have 24/7 D/s and M/s relationships while living thousands of miles apart. It doesn't make one relationship more than the other or the other less than. It means that even in the BDSM lifestyle we are a variety of people with a variety of differing interests as well as differing wants and needs in our life as well as in how we choose to live this lifestyle. I just wish more people would see that instead of being so quick to deem others as "players" or "fakes." Just because it works for you doesn't mean it works for everyone.
No comments:
Post a Comment