Very good day today. ^w^

Today was a really great day I spent with Dark Fox again. We went shopping for pervertables (and to pick up my ADD meds) then went back to his house, like usual.

For the first time, ever, I was able to squirt without ever getting any physical stimulation, just by his voice and by his command.I came about 50+ times today all at his command with no physical stimulation.

I did experience a minor panic attack as well, but he talked me through that and I am very thankful for that. ^w^

And the one thing that makes me happiest is that he plans on offering me his collar. I am very excited and will do as he says in order to achieve that. I will be working on figuring out how I will beg for his collar and I will be looking at designs as well to give him an idea of what I like in chainmail designs. I am very excited and happy right now. I know I will have to do my mantra every night and every morning to prepare myself for this as he has asked me to do so. ^w^ (Though I'm sure it is something that will continue after he gives me his collar.)

Blacking out and hypnosis

Today my date with Dark Fox was interesting. While he was choking me out a bit (as asphyxia is a fetish of mine) and for the first time ever I blacked out. He said I was convulsing some, and based on how wet I was when I came to, I must have orgasmed. (Which isn't surprising, but still its showing the affect he has on me--though I will be eating3 meals like I should so as to not have the blacking out be possibly due to not eating enough again. If I want to be a good pet, I have to be healthy.)

What happened next really is a bit fuzzy to me. I woke up on the floor with his arms around me holding me steady. I know I was stressed out and worried as I had just blacked out. (I was worried I had scared him because I'd blacked out.) At this point, he started to hypnotize me to calm to me down partially and I'm sure partially to get more inside my head, though I really don't mind.

The hypnosis was really interesting. I remember him petting my head and commanding different things from me when I was awake again. I know that I felt so safe in his arms during that time. I really hope things continue to go this well as my infatuation with him is growing. I really want to be his slave as he's seeing a side of me that very few get to and is actually getting inside my head moreso than anyone else ever has.

Three amazing dates so far with a local Dominant. ^w^

Well, the local Dominant from my previous post fell through. But I have gone on three consecutive dates with another local Dominant (we'll call him Dark Fox) and so far things have been amazing. ^w^ I plan on seeing him again today. I am quite infatuated with him. *blush* Also, I have some great bruises from a caning on my ass, not to mention the scratches he's left on my back. ^w^ I feel so comfortable with him. Yesterday we just hung out at his house, played, and watched NCIS. All the while I was naked wearing nothing but some rope around my breasts and a choke chain and a leash.  I have honestly never been that comfortable with anyone. *blush*

First successful date with a Dominant

I went on a date with a Dominant today. He is local and it went very well. ^w^ I hope I'll be able to see him soon. He's very hot and has an affect on me. I'm comfortable with him. I really hope this goes well.

Panic Attack

I'm really having trouble breathing right now and I feel like I'm having the first panic attack I can remember.

In the kink with a history of abuse group on Fet, some girl went out of her way to try and tell others their opinions and "arguments" about why trigger warning labels shouldn't be required on every possible post where a trigger could occur were invalid. I said my peace and got caught up in the argument, then left the thread. I come back a day later only to find that the girl who was telling others their opinions and arguments were invalid had made a personal attack on my character. Poor girl doesn't know how to freaking debate if she stooped to an ad hominem attack. Fuck that shit. Ok. Now I'm dizzy. >.< I really cannot believe that such bullying was allowed in a group like that. We all have differing opinions and experience. I know that I was not very good at explaining myself, but for fuck's sake, she didn't need to put me down to do it. It takes me back to my emotional abuse from my first Dominant as well as the treatment I have received more than once by dumb cunts like herself both online an in real life. I don't have to agree with you in order for you to accept my opinion as valid. Then stooping to a personal attack, just makes an ass out of you. Calling me a hypocrite for poor word choice in my disagreement with another comment you made and comparing it to what I am going through right now because of your stupid fucking assumption about my character based on that poorly worded post, is just asinine. Grow the fuck up! Ugh... I know this post makes no sense. I'm still dizzy and I can't breathe. I am going to call a friend of mine soon. I know I need to. Goodnight.

What I learned today.

• Never meet with someone that you have only talked to for a few days.
• Be honest with ALL your mentors about such a meeting before the fact and not after, even if it is on a whim--which shouldn't be the case in the future anyway.
• Continue to not give out enough information about your private life until you are fully aware you can trust them.
• Don't meet up with someone who you don't trust enough to give information about your private life.
• That my cut-off age for dating an Dominant is 40, though I may be able to stretch it to 45 only for a person that I have known enough and trust enough and where compatibility is there.
• That I still have a long way to go before I will be dating another Dominant because I do need to work on myself still.
• That I have very good friends who are honest with me and looking out for my well-being.
• That when my gut tells me something is wrong, I should listen to it.

A work in progress

Well, I think a lot has happened since I last posted. After Felix and I split last tuesday, I ended up talking to an older Dominant, we'll just call him S. He was interested in me at first, but after a few days we both became aware that this is not a good time in my life for me to be contemplating becoming a Dominant's 24/7 submissive as I'd like. (Though we also had compatibility issues.) I am remaining friends with S as he seems a very decent man who I could learn a lot from and I have agreed to have him be one of my mentors.

I know I'm not in a good place in my life. Two relationships fall apart one right after the other (though one only lasted a couple weeks at most). I'm finally feeling single again and wondering what there is out there that I can learn about myself. I did agree with be pretty much long distance friends with benefits with my friend A from Michigan, who is a switch. We both have an understanding of each other and I normally wouldn't do this, but I'm not looking for anything and he's actually not really my type when I look for a Dominant. So it's all fun to get my kinky sex itch scratched while I figure myself out. I can still go to school and look for work, there is no pressure to be in a relationship right now and I am enjoying it. It's been a while and I know I need this. Hell, my therapist told me I need to not be in a relationship right now because I'm not in a healthy enough place. I know I'd be a burden, so I'm working on myself and trying to enjoy my time alone. (A long distance fwb just makes masturbation more fun lol)

BDSM checklist, this time more detailed

Key

---

No Answer - Either you choose not to answer for whatever reason, or it\'s not applicable - such as breast bondage for males.
Curious - You\'ve not tried it and so have no idea how you\'d feel, but you are curious.
Essential - This is something that\'s so essential to you that you can\'t see yourself enjoying a relationship without it.
Love - You love doing whatever it is.
Like - You like doing whatever it is.
Don\'t Mind - You don\'t mind either way, but will do it for someone else.
Dislike - You dislike doing it but will do so if it means a lot to someone else.
Hate - You hate doing it but will do so if it means a lot to someone else.
Soft Limit - While it is not something you are capable of at the moment, you can see how that might one day change.
Hard Limit - There is no way you can ever see this being something you could do without damaging who you are.
Done To Self / Receiving

---

How you feel about having the act done to you or with you as the primary participant, perhaps at someone else\'s command.
Alternatively, read this as how you feel about being on the receiving end of the act.
For example, Done To Self for \"Fisting - Anal\" means that it is your anus that the fist enters.
For Cunnilingus, it would be you being licked (recieving).
Done To Others / Giving

---

How you feel about your play partner having the act done to them, perhaps at your command.
Alternatively, read this as how you feel about doing this act to someone else.
To take the same example, Done To Others for \"Fisting - Anal\" means that it is your play partner\'s anus that the fist enters,
be it your fist or someone else\'s.
For Cunnilingus, it would be you doing the licking (giving).
Tried

---

Have you tried the activity (either done to yourself or done it to someone else)?
Rating

---

How do you feel about the activity (either doing it to yourself or to others)?
Anal Play
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
(Others) Tried: Yes
(Others) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Beating - Canes
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Dislike (2)
Beating - Crops
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Beating - Floggers
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating - Hairbrushes
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Beating - Hard
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Beating - Paddles
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Beating - Soft
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Beating - Spanking
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Beating - Straps
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating - Whips
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating Location - Back
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating Location - Bottom
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Beating Location - Chest
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Like (4)
Beating Location - Feet
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating Location - Genitals
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Beating Location - Legs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bestiality
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Biting
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Blindfolds
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Body Modification - Branding
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Body Modification - Piercing, Permanent
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Body Modification - Piercing, Play
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Body Modification - Saline Injection
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Body Modification - Scarification
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Body Modification - Tattooing
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage - Breast
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Bondage - Cuffs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage - Genital
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Heavy
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Bondage - Intricate
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Light
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage - Locks
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Bondage - Prolonged
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Sleeves, Arm
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Sleeves, Leg
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Spreader Bars
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Stocks
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Straight Jackets
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Suspension
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Suspension, Inverted
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage - Whole Body
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage Material - Chain
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage Material - Leather
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage Material - Rope
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage Material - Saran Wrap
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Bondage Material - Scarves
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Bondage Material - Tape
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Breath Play
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Clothespins
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Chosen For
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Corsets
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Clothing - Full Head Hoods
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Harnesses
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - High Heels
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Lingerie
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Clothing - Masks
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Uniforms (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Uniforms, Military
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing - Uniforms, School
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Clothing Material - Leather
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Clothing Material - PVC
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing Material - Rubber
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Clothing Material - Sheer
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Collars - Private
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Collars - Public
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Crawling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Cutting
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Like (4)
Discipline
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Drinking - Blood
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Drinking - Semen
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Drinking - Urine
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Enemas
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Examination - Physical
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Exhibitionism - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Exhibitionism - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Face Slapping
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Fisting - Anal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Fisting - Vaginal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Food - Chosen For
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Food - From Body
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Food - From Bowl
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Food - From Hand
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags - Ball
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags - Bit
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags - Ring
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Gags - Tape
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Given Away (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Given Away - Auctions
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Given Away - Permanent
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Hand Jobs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Heterosexuality - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Homosexuality - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Homosexuality - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Humiliation - Private
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Humiliation - Public
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Humiliation - Verbal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Including Others
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Kneeling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Leashes
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Lecturing
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Licking
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Massage
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Like (4)
Masturbation - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Masturbation - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Nipple Clamps
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Nipple Play
(Self) Tried: Yes
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Nipple Weights
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Nudity - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Nudity - Voluntary
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Dislike (2)
Orgasm - On Command
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Orgasm Control
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Orgasm Denial
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Pain (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Like (4)
Pain - Heavy
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Pain - Light
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Phone Sex
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Rape - Fantasy
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Rape - Fantasy, Gang
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Recorded Scenes - Photographs, Private
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Recorded Scenes - Photographs, Shared
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Recorded Scenes - Video, Private
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Recorded Scenes - Video, Shared
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Roleplay (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Roleplay - Age
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Don\'t Mind (3)
Roleplay - Education
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hate (1)
Roleplay - Interrogation
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Roleplay - Kidnapping
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Roleplay - Medical
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Roleplay - Pig
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Roleplay - Pony
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Roleplay - Prison
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Roleplay - Puppy
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Roleplay - Religious
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Roleplay - Whore
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sensation Play (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Deprivation
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Fire
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sensation Play - Hair Pulling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Hot Wax
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Ice
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Needle
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sensation Play - Scratching
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sensation Play - Suction
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sensation Play - Teasing
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Serving (General)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Serving - Art
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Serving - Ashtray
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Serving - Chauffer
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Serving - Dancer
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Serving - Following Orders
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Serving - Forced
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Serving - Furniture
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Serving - Housework
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Serving - Maid
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Serving - Sexually
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex - Anal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Love (5)
Sex - Cunnilingus
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hate (1)
Sex - Denial
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hate (1)
Sex - Fellatio
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex - Group
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Penetration, Double
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Penetration, Triple
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Rimming
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Threesome
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Sex - Vaginal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex - Vanilla
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex Toys - Beads
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sex Toys - Butt Plugs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex Toys - Dildos
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Sex Toys - Love Eggs
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sex Toys - Public (Under Clothes)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sex Toys - Strap On
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Sex Toys - Vibrators
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Shaving - Body
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Shaving - Genital
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Shaving - Genital, Styling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Shaving - Head
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Showers - Brown
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Showers - Golden
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Speculums - Anal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Speculums - Vaginal
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Swapping (Partner)
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Voyeurism
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Soft Limit (X)
Worship - Boot
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Worship - Bottom
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious
Worship - Foot
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Worship - Genital
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Essential (5*)
Worship - High Heel
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Hard Limit (XX)
Wrestling
(Self) Tried: No
(Self) Rating: Curious

My checklist ^w^

BDSM-Fetish-Kink Checklist

Here's how to use this checklist. For each question below just put a number from one to six (1-6) in the box to indicate your response based on this scale:

1. This is something I really do like/want.
2. This is fun, I like this.
3. I'm not sure, let's try it out.
4. I'm not really into this, but if it turns my partner on I don't object.
5. This will turn me off, I don't like this.
6. This is an absolute no go.

Take your time for this and consider each question, situation or indication carefully before answering.

Are there any specific types of people that turn you on?

[6] Soldiers, marines, paratroopers
[ 6] Sailors, coast guard, merchant marine
[ 6] Airmen, pilots
[ 6] Policemen, security people
[ 6] Truck drivers
[ 6] Firemen
[ 6] Executioners
[ 6] Nurses, doctors
[ 6] Prostitutes, tramps
[6 ] Hunters
[ 6] Wrestlers
[ 6] Surfers, life guards
[ 2] Motorcycle people, Hells Angels
[1] Cowboys, farm boys
[1] Gentlemen, nobility
[1] Business people, yuppies, managers
[ 6] Servants
[ 6] Teachers
[ 6] Daddy, uncle
Others, please specify: _I don't mind calling a partner "Daddy" but it doesn't turn me on through role play._

Which of the following scenes would turn you on?

[1] Having a romantic dinner by candlelight
[1] I am spanked because I have been a naughty girl
[1] I am in the woods and suddenly this man comes from behind and grabs me
[ 3] A stranger walks into my bedroom and finds me playing with myself
[ 2] My partner and I are making love in a public place
[ 6] I am are sold on a slave market
[ 3] I am used as a slave in public
[ 2] I am used as a slave in private
[ 6] I am ordered to please others
[ 2] I am a little schoolgirl
[ 1] I am sitting/kneeling at my Master's feet
[ 1] I am are tied and teased
[ 2] I am grabbed by the hair and dragged into the bedroom
[ 1] I am used as a dog, pony or pet
[ 3] I am verbally humiliated
[ 3] I am tied, gagged and blindfolded and left alone
[ 3] I am tied, gagged, blindfolded and thoroughly whipped
[ 4 My physical limits are tested and stretched
[ 4] My mental limits are tested and stretched
[ 6] I have to sign a contract
[ 3] I am a total slave every day of the week
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Is there any particular clothing or fabric that turns you on?

[ 1] Leather
[ 3] Rubber, latex
[ 3] Patent leather, PVC
[ 1] Sexy lingerie
[ 1] Uniforms
[ 1] Denim
[ 2] High Heels
[ 1] Boots
[ 6] Wet suits
[ 3] Servants uniform
[ 3] Masks
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Do any of the following environments or scenery turn you on?

[ 1] Your bedroom
[ 3] A dungeon, castle
[ 6] Churches and abbeys
[ 6] Farms and stables
[ 6] Barracks
[ 6] Abandoned construction sites
[ 3] Back alleys
[ 6] The red light district
[ 3] A school or a classroom
[ 3] BDSM-clubs
[ 3] Estates
[ 6] Junkyards and car dumps
[ 3] Woods and forests
[ 3] Medieval scenery
[ 6] Nudist beaches
[ 3] Parking spaces
[ 6] Truck stops
[ 6] The bath room
[ 6] Hospital, dentist
[ 3] Interrogation room
[ 6] The shrink's couch
[ 6] Boot camp
[ 6] Jail, police station
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

I enjoy the following psychodrama(s):

[3 ] The dominant talks, the submissive is silent or speaks only when spoken to
[ 1] Dialogue in normal language
[ 1] Dialogue in adapted language ("Master" and "slave")
[ 2 ] Obey rules or else
[ 1] Reasonable rules
[4 ] Unreasonable rules
[ 6] It is OK for the dominant to loose his temper
[ 1 ] Swearing and filthy talk
[4 ] Military/jail type commands
[ 4] Strict training
[ 6 ] Obvious and explicit role play
[1 ] Subtle role play
[3 ] I like to be persuaded, rather than commanded
[ 6] Make me feel guilty
[ 6 ] Make me feel cheap
[ 6] Make me feel used
[ 2 ] Make me feel owned
[ 6] Make me feel useless
[6 ] Objectify me
[ 1] The dominant must have compassion
[ 6 ] The dominant must have no compassion at all
[ 6] The dominant must only have compassion after the scene
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Sex and sexuality

[3 ] I need to be sexually aroused when in scene
[3 ] I need to be sexually aroused before I enter into a scene
[1 ] I like as many orgasms as I can get
[6 ] An orgasm turns me off
[4 ] An orgasm must only be allowed as a reward
[ 4 ] An orgasm is a must to end the scene
[ 6] Orgasms are not important, but nice
[6 ] Orgasms are not important at all
[ 4] I want to beg for an orgasm first
[4 ] I want my sexual abilities to be stretched
[ 1] I want/need sex during a scene
[ 5] I want no sex during a scene
[3 ] Sex should be used to relieve the tension
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

I love the following attributes

[1 ] Ropes
[1 ] Leather cuffs and belts
[3 ] Steel cuffs and chains
[5 ] Ball and chain
[ 1] Blindfold
[ 3] Gags
[ 3] Masks
[ 1] Nipple clamps and clothespins
[ 3] Whips
[ 3] Riding crops
[ 3] Canes
[ 1] Silk to be tied with
[ 1] Sex toys (vibrators, butt plugs)
[ 5] Needles and pins
[ 3] Cross, rack
[ 3] Bondage table
[ 3] Cage
[3 ] Sling
[ 3] Body bag
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

The following scenes appeal to me:

[ 1] Being tied up, caressed and loved
[ 1] Being in a public place and dominated in a subtle way
[1 ] Being taken out with collar and leash
[ 6 ] Being locked up and left alone
[ 1] Being tied up in a comfortable position
[2 ] Being tied up in discomfort
[ 3] Being tied up and (in a sexual way) exposed
[ 5] Being tied up and tickled
[ 2] Being tied up and (sexually) teased
[ 2] Being tied up and whipped, flogged or caned
[ 3] Not being tied up, but verbally commanded into certain positions and having to maintain these
[ 3] Caned, flogged or whipped without being tied or cuffed
[ 1] Being spanked in the traditional way
[ 3] Rough sex/being "raped"
[ 4] Used as a servant
[ 3] Being tied and tortured
[ 3] Being tortured without being tied or cuffed
[ 6] Being used by more than one dominant
[ 6] Playing in combination with other couples
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Safe words and signals

[ 1 ] The dominant should establish one or more safe words
[ 3] When I cry, the scene should stop
[ 2] I should be able to communicate in plain language
[2 ] The dominant should be able to read my body language
[6 ] I want to be tested when I use a safe word or signal
[5 ] All activity should stop immediately when I use a safe word or signal
[6 ] I do not want to use any safe word at all and my signals should be ignored completely
[2 ] When I use a safe word or signal the dominant should establish if the scene can continue
[2 ] A scene should go on up to the point where I use a safe word or signal
[2 ] The use of safe words and signals should be avoided as much as possible
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

To me erotic power exchange is:

[6 ] Something I like incidentally, just as a kick
[6 ] Something I like, but not too often
[ 2] Something I want as much as possible
[ 2] A lifestyle that I consider important and want to practice as much as possible
[1 ] A lifestyle that should be present at all times
[ 2] My way of life
[ 2 ] The most important thing I can think of
[2 ] Something I want exercised at all times and no matter what the consequences are.
Others, please specify: ___________________________________

Dumped yet again.

Felix ended things with me. Well, it's incompatibility I guess. At least this time it only lasted two weeks. It still hurts like a bitch, but I'll move on.

Parental restrictions really getting on my nerves.

I really dislike that my mother again has put restrictions on my internet access. >.<

I'm 22 years old. I will be on sites she doesn't like. It doesn't really matter because I do private browsing anyway. Does she listen? No... She's too worried I'll run away and that I'll meet "creeps" online. The woman needs to let me grow up. >.<

This is all just part of the annoyances behind it because honestly... cutting back my computer time is going to cut back on my job application time. How can I apply to jobs just fine when my mother is practically monitoring my internet access and computer access? Again, I am an adult and this is just bullshit. Why the hell won't she let me grow up?

(Yes, after all this I still am an adult little and submissive, but I kinda have to drawn the line with my parents. I am an adult. They need to start treating me like one. I can't submit to their choices for my life forever. It'll only end up holding me back when I don't have the freedoms I feel I should have. I feel like I'm back in high school or middle school these days and it's really not cool.)

Entering "sub frenzy" and job update

Well, I think the "sub frenzy" has hit me recently. This is the first time in a long time too. I am aching for a good spanking and some fun bondage. That and sex would be great too. Well, at least I've got my toys. ^w^ (Thinks of what to do possibly with vibrator, butt plug, and nipple clamps.)

In other news, two weeks into my job at McDonalds, I was fired. I have immediately begun searching for other jobs. McDonalds just turned out not being a really good fit. I'm also probably going back to school in April and it'll at least help keep me busy for a while. (Yes, I know I have a bad view of school, but honestly, I want to be a housewife, anything I learn in school is only going to help me to get a job to pass the time until finally my dream can be achieved.) In the meantime, I am going to be learning how to knit and applying to jobs. I'm also really getting into my online scrabble. ^w^

Oh and I got a new pair of glasses! ^w^